My 2 1/2 hour drive..

So lately I've been feeling really down and I'm not sure why. I got a message on facebook from someone I haven't talked to in at least 10 months and I don't want to talk to really. Everything that he represents in my life is hard to deal with... does that make any sense? I learned a lot from him but I just can't handle being in contact with him on a regular basis. He is married now and I know his wife as well but I can't feel the way I felt before. I just can't. I think that's part of it- why I've been feeling down.

In high school this feeling came at least once a month or every 3 weeks and I welcomed it. I would lay in bed for hours on end listening to music, staring at the wall and thinking about life until I eventually feel asleep (usually). I think it gave me an excuse to not actually care or do anything worthwhile. Since I've started going back to church this comes much less often- but it still comes. I also think it's partly from me expecting things from certain people that I have no right to expect. I think that certain people in my life should be doing certain things either to/for me and when they don't I get kinda depressed.. but it's totally me.

I have tons of homework that I'm behind on and all I want to do is stay home and lay in bed all over again. Friday night me and some friends were supposed to have a bonfire up in the canyon but we had to cancel it because a girl in our ward was having a birthday party and we didn't want to compete so we cancelled it. This feeling set in on Friday so I wanted to go up and have a bonfire anyways even if it was just me.. I didn't care. I ended up going to the birthday party and having fun.. and Saturday was the Relief Society broadcast so I watched that even though I didn't want to do anything again. Sunday after church I decided I was going to go for a drive so I did. Back in Tucson that's what I would do a lot when I was really mad or just wanted to think- I would just drive.

So I headed into Provo Canyon and I thought I'd just go into it for a bit and then stop and park somewhere and turn around and come back. I didn't. I ended up driving all the way through the canyon into Heber City, through Park City and into Salt Lake City. I headed to the airport for no reason in Salt Lake and stopped for a few minutes. Then I headed back to Provo. I was gone a total of 2 and half hours. Roundtrip to Salt Lake and back the normal way takes approximately an hour and a half. Well I did waste a lot of gas but I felt a little better but I'm still feeling a bit down. I'm trying to get over it but I'm not sure how else to make it go away. Well I need to get going for the moment.. I'll see how this plays out and update soon hopefully. :)

Update

So... life.. hmm..

haha Well I wanted to just write a general update but not much has been going on and I don't really have the time to sit and think about all the deep things I was pondering over the summer. But well let's see. School has started and my classes seem like they are going to be really good- especially soccer! :D My birthday party was pretty good. It definitely could have been better but I had fun none the less. I've started my internship and I am slowly working on getting everything going for that. It's been interesting so far. Some teachers give me the weirdest looks but whatever. I'm there for the year so they will just have to deal with me I guess. (Oh ya.. fyi.. I'm working at an elementary school in Orem for my internship.. ) :) So I'm there about 13-14 hours a week then I'm working 12-15 hours between my 2 actual jobs then classes, a social life, a church calling and being in a club presidency on top of it all! So I'm pretty dang busy but you know.. it's just 4 months. We'll see how I manage to get through it. :)

Here are some future events- sort of:

I'm getting everything else on my car fixed this week so it should be completely operational by wednesday.. whoo hoo!

I'm planning a trip to Vegas for Halloween so that should be fun.

And there are about 9 concerts I'm trying to go to between September 26th and November 18th. HA! We'll see.. I'm definitely going to at least 5 of them though. :) I love concerts!

That's all for now.