The Holidays..

So I decided back in September or so that I'm just going to stay here in Provo for Christmas this year because I don't really have a "home" to go to. Nor do I really have money to pay for a flight and neither do my parents. Then I found out that my uncle from Georgia and his family were driving out for Thanksgiving so I would go down there for that instead of Christmas. I thought I would be fine with it but it seems I'm not.

Now I'm here actually facing it. Facing being alone for a full 2 weeks and having no family around for Christmas and all the celebrations. I do have a lot of things to get done over our break and stuff but it's not going to fill the time. I need to work to make money for the next semester too. I have been such a grinch/scrooge this Christmas so far and I can't seem to shake it. I was thinking about it the other day and I realized it's probably because I have nothing to look forward to. NOTHING! I'm done with this semester and what? Everyone leaves! I have zero family in Utah.. I know why the depression rate skyrockets this time of year.

I just tried to look up plane tickets to all 3 of my possible destinations and it's just too much. Tucson is the cheapest at $260 +/- but I still can't afford it and Georgia isn't too much more at $385 or so. I'm really tempted to just book the flight and worry about the money later but I can't let myself do that. I've been doing it all semester. I really shouldn't have bought the camera I did in October but I don't want to turn around and sell it.

I'm just going to have to face it.. I'm stuck. I need to make the most of it but even if I have an offer to go to someone's home (which I have a few) I know I'm just gonna be crying the whole day because them being with their family will remind me that I'm not with mine. Not that I want to be alone all day but at least I wouldn't have to worry what I look like in front of a bunch of strangers- like my mascara going all over my face or something. And I could do whatever I wanted and just not have to face anyone.. I don't know what to do.

For now... I'm going to study for my finals and see how this week goes. Who knows something could happen and change my perspective completely.. anything that happens changes my mood usually.. hey I'm a girl.. that's not new. :) So.. that's it for now I think. I don't want to write anymore. Bye!