Monday I was talking with my Dad on the way home from my class and I was trying to hurry up so I could go to FHE. We ended up talking for a really long time (in my book) and he kept on trying to tell me what I should do about all these different things. (I'm graduating and trying to decide where to move to afterwards.) anyways.. I don't want to write out the full story of that day.
So the next day, Tuesday, I got a call from him while I was in class so he left a message and said he wanted to chit-chat. I don't talk to most of my family a whole lot so calling 2 days in a row is kind of a big deal. He sounded kind f depressed or something. Because of the time difference it was too late to call when I got out so i called him back today.
He told me that he was worried about me because I wouldn't technically be done with school until June with the way I worked my schedule. He was worried that I might want to walk in August instead of April and about the prospects of me getting a job after graduation without my degree being on transcript. For the most part his fears were valid.. I'm scared of that too- especially in our current economic climate. I was telling him the pros and cons and what I thought about each place I was considering moving and I started with Arizona.
I told him how I would probably move back to Phoenix not Tucson IF I moved back to Arizona at all. And trying to let him know that it's hard for me to be there because I seem to be looking for something that isn't there anymore. My previous life that I can never get back. I got emotional and starting crying. He asked me if I ever had thought about finding my biological father (the man I call my dad isn't my biological father- he married my mom when I was 3). And that just started making me cry more. He wanted me to be honest with him and since he was the one that asked I told him. He said he didn't want to upset me but wanted me to be honest. I told him that of course I've thought about finding him- I don't know a kid out there that knows something like that and hasn't thought about it in one way or another. I told him though that the only reason I would even try to find him is to get medical history so i know if I'm at risk of having some rare heretical monster disease or something but so far I've been pretty dang healthy- mentally and physically.
He said, "Ya that would be good to get that information but I think that it would be good for you to find him. I don't know how but I think it would be good." that statement floored me.. that's the only way to describe it. So we went on talking but that was a part that this entire blog was pretty much about.. haha and the fact that I don't know what I"m doing with my life in the next 3 or 4 months or so. Adulthood sucks!!! Why was I in such a rush to graduate? aughhh....
