Sundays seem to be my blogging days..

So I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm not going to let my life be determined by others. I'm going to work on being more proactive for myself. I CAN'T let myself wait around for my best friend's boyfriend decide if they have a date a particular night so I know if I have plans or not.. that's SOOOO backwards, isn't it? I love Christina and I love hanging out with her but like I've pretty much said in previous posts: I've put all my proverbial eggs into 1 friendship basket. That basket is slowly being overturned and there is nothing I can do about it- except pick up those dropped eggs and find new baskets for them. So that is my new plan.

I'm going to try to make plans for myself instead of me and Christina or me Christina AND Deavon. I can't live their lives.. only my own. I feel like I spend more time waiting on Christina to get a real answer from Deavon than I ever get to spend with just her anymore. I'm happy she's happy but I'm in a rut. I don't want to make her choose either cuz that's not realistic and just dumb but I hope he understands that I CAN'T see her any other time than the weekend. I can't just drive down for a night during the week to hang out. Weekends are ALL I have.

I feel bad because what would I do if roles were reversed and I was in her shoes? Being practically glued at the hip to someone for 3.5 years is a hard habit/expectation to break. I just need to makes plans for me and if she is free and wants to join than she's more than welcome.. otherwise I know what I'm doing and not waiting around for someone else (not just her or Deavon- last Friday I was waiting for someone else to call that never did).

And here is what I typed in my phone last week at church:

It's not about me.. make it about others. Welcoming them and being an example for others. I've been worrying about myself too much- its not about me. I want to serve more. I used to hang out at church until nearly the last person left- now I leave as soon as the meetings are over. (insert- I also had church earlier and wasn't starving to eat in that ward like I am now) Don't judge others- mainly no snap judgments.

Hope that wasn't too random but ya know.. it's just whatever comes out of my brain. haha